Aries full moon and total lunar eclipse 10/8

The nature of fire.

I am writing this in the car as we drive home from Joshua tree. I have been in the car a lot this last cycle, driving from Oregon trees to Malibu beach and down into the high desert.

There have been many things to reflect on in these hours on the road, watching nature change as the car speeds from one place to the next.

Fire is one of them.

Northern California was covered in smoke, Mt Shasta barely discernable in the  haze, from wild fire as we winded down the 5 freeway. Central Cali was barren, beaten down by the heat of the sun and the brutal drought. The mountains around Malibu were also rather dry and the wind blew hot for October even on the beach. The desert was beautiful, cooler than the valley but the sun still offered triple digits. On my first night in Joshua Tree, we shared in a fire ceremony. Yes, fire is all around us.

This full moon, the second in four total lunar eclipses, has been on my mind, and she is also claimed by fire. Aries, cardinal fire, the initiator, the war God, our passion, aggression and personal flame. The Aries full moon is always an invitation to trial by fire but the lunar eclipse upgrades the heat from candle to wild fire, much like the ones that have been burning through my state.

The thing about fire is that it is so necessary. Life doesn't exist without the sun, humans would not have evolved without their ability to create and sustain a flame. Even the wild fires stimulate a kind of transformation in the earth that awakens new seeds and growth.

Fire is destructive, dangerous and volatile. Fire is creative, inspiring and powerful.

Not going to lie, I am a little anxious about the current climate politically, energetically, emotionally, spiritually, physically. The planet is changing, the fires of transformation are already burning bright and book ended by Mercury retrograde, we enter an eclipse cycle fueled by fire and water, Aries and Scorpio, Mars and Pluto, war and death and yet, also passion and re birth.

I have read so many interesting things about these energies swirling and spiraling, but as I, too, am a bit lost in the flow, unsure of where I am going, what I am doing and who I am, all I can offer is this contemplation on fire.

There are two sides to the flame, the face that burns and the one that fuels. It can be hard to discern which side is what so my best advice is to seek an intent of your highest self for the highest good that is beyond willing to burn away all that does not serve us any more and to feed the passion of your soul that lights you up greater than anything else.

Hold this intention and trust the process. Give yourself to the fire as the trees on the mountain do. Let go of the old. Have faith in what is deep inside, ready to be seen. It may take a while for the smoke to clear, but it will. And when it does, the transformation will be complete and beyond what we could have imagined. Fire is the power of spirit, after all.

This is a great full moon for purifying practices like mantra, yoga, sweating, drumming, dancing and fire ceremony. The eclipse is visible from America in the wee hours of the morning so if you can tune in and do your practices then, it's even more powerful. But intent is most important so carry it close to your heart and check in often in the days to come.

Many blessings and prayers for all beings, may the fire awaken the changes needed and clear away all that is not so that we can live in peace, love and bliss.

Scorpio Full Moon 5/14 Life's Balance

I hope the height of spring is being kind to you. I hope the last two weeks have brought you much needed light and celebration. I hope you have been able to get outside and enjoy the abundance and beauty that surrounds our side of the planet this time of year. The new moon in Taurus was just what we needed after an eclipse cycle and an intense celestial alignments. And even though I have found some relief in the blue skies, warm sun and fresh flowers and fruits, I cannot help but feel Taurus's astrological partner bearing down.

Taurus and the celebration of fertility, Beltane, is directly across the wheel from Scorpio, and the celebration of death, Samhain. During the Taurus new moon, which happens mid-spring, we get a taste of life's balance as the moon reaches her zenith. Pluto, the ruler of Scorpio is closer to us now than he usually is, as he is the furthest planet and takes the longest to go around the sun. Pluto has been a part of many of the current changes and crises and as king of the underworld, shaman of transformation, holder of power and teacher in death, sex and renewal, he casts a mighty shadow amidst the brilliant light of spring.

I am trying to focus on the beauty of life, the blessings, the gifts, the miracles. But it's hard to focus on the bountiful farmer's market when the honey bees that make it possible are facing mass extinction at our hands, or the flirtatious frolics of Beltane when more than 200 young girls have been kidnapped in Nigeria. It's hard to celebrate the mother giving birth when I want to mourn the mother who has lost a child.

I have also been reading a lot about the state of our planet in an Eco activism course and while I try to focus on all the good happening and the people committed to a sustainable future, it's hard to read statistics and stories about poison, pollution, greed, corruption, birth defects, GMO's and not feel sick and hopeless. But this is the balance of life.

There is no light, without darkness, growth without decay, birth without death. Without struggle, how do we change? Without challenge, how do we rise? Without winter, how would we appreciate summer? I have been taught that while in human form, there will always be duality. This is what we sign up for when we come here. The secret that Pluto forces into the light on this full moon, is that we have to look at the darkness and the light. We have to see them, know them, honor them both. It's okay to wail when tragedy occurs, or throw up when you read about something that devastates you. We don't need to ignore it or become De-sensitized. We also don't need to become violent ourselves and cause more harm.

Empathy is one of the most important lessons we can learn, and the sooner we learn it, the sooner our world changes for the better. Pluto is not going anywhere. There will always be things we cannot control or understand or like. But there is a balance. The balance that comes from grieving with grace, being of service, being grateful, being real. Because shit is getting real.

The Scorpio full moon is not all darkness. It is also said to be the moon Buddha was born under and because of that, it holds more potential than any other to transmute negativity and connect to divinity.

Deal with your darkness on this full moon. Cry, rage, stomp, scream. Grieve, mourn, weep, share your story, struggles, disappointments and angers. Then be still. Thing about the gifts, the life still happening all around you. Offer a prayer, a song, or silence to the moon. Ask for the balance needed to walk this world in a good way, an awake way, an empathic, compassionate, loving way.

There is no way to get rid of the shadow. There is no way to get rid of the death in life. But there is a way to live in beauty, no matter what. As always, it is our choice how we receive and respond to these cycles.

I want to offer you a couple mantras as blessings on this full moon. If you feel inclined, chant them. Chanting is very powerful. They are both from Buddhist traditions, which feels appropriate, too. The translations for these vary, fyi, but it is more about how you feel when you say it.

The first is longer and one I use for Samhain/Scorpio cycle in October:
Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate Bodhi Swaha
(Gone gone gone beyond, gone completely beyond, into awakeness, so be it.)

The second is shorter and is said to encompass all of the Buddha's teachings:
Om Mani Padme Hum
(Homage to the pearl in the Lotus)
So much love and light to you and all the world!
#bringbackourgirls

Taurus New Moon/Solar Eclipse~ Invoking the Earth Goddess

Taurus New Moon/Solar Eclipse~ Invoking the Earth Goddess

"We ask for the presence of the spirit of Gaia and pray that the breath of life continues to caress this planet home.

"May we grow into true understanding — a deep understanding that inspires us to protect the tree on which we bloom, and the water, soil, and atmosphere without which we have no existence.

"May we turn inward and stumble upon our true roots in the intertwining biology of this exquisite planet. May nourishment and power pulse through these roots, and fierce determination to continue the billion-year dance.

"May love well up and burst forth from our hearts.

"May there be a new dispensation of pure and powerful consciousness and the charter to witness and facilitate the healing of the tattered biosphere.

"We ask for the presence of the spirit of Gaia to be with us here. To reveal to us all that we need to see, for our own highest good and for the highest good of all.

"We call upon the spirit of evolution, the miraculous force that inspires rocks and dust to weave themselves into biology. You have stood by us for millions and billions of years — do not forsake us now. Empower us and awaken in us pure and dazzling creativity. You that can turn scales into feathers, seawater to blood, caterpillars to butterflies — metamorphose our species, awaken in us the powers that we need to survive the present crisis and evolve into more eons of our solar journey.,br>
"Awaken in us a sense of who we truly are: tiny ephemeral blossoms on the Tree of Life. Make the purpose and destiny of that tree our own purpose and destiny.

"Fill each of us with love for our true Self, which includes all of the creatures and plants and landscapes of the world. Fill us with a powerful urge for the well-being and continual unfolding of this Self.

"May we speak in all human councils on behalf of the animals and plants and landscapes of the Earth.

"May we shine with a pure inner passion that will spread rapidly through these leaden times.

"May we all awaken to our true and only nature — none other than the nature of Gaia, this living planet Earth.

"We call upon the power that sustains the planets in their orbits, that wheels our Milky Way in its 200-million-year spiral, to imbue our personalities and our relationships with harmony, endurance, and joy. Fill us with a sense of immense time so that our brief, flickering lives may truly reflect the work of vast ages past and also the million of years of evolution whose potential lies in our trembling hands.

"O stars, lend us your burning passion.

"O silence, give weight to our voice.

"We ask for the presence of the spirit of Gaia." (Invocation by John Seed)

I have been quoting a lot more in these musings lately, and I think it is partly because I am back in school and in the role of the student, one of my favorites, as I am constantly having my mind blown with new info I want to share. I also think that being in school, working, baby, life, etc have made it so I need to fill up more. I don't have as much to give, so I need help, help to inspire me, guide me, teach me and support me in this time of transition and transformation.

The last few weeks have been intense. But we knew that. As I write this, we are moving into the cardinal cross alignment, right between the lunar and solar eclipses, the full and new moon. The energy is waning, time for release and surrender is here. Everyone I know is feeling these shifts in different ways but we are all, human, plant, animal, we are all feeling it. Additionally, this past weekend was Easter, a celebration of rebirth, and we also have Earth day (4/22), a celebration to bring awareness and change to the environment. Release, surrender, rebirth, awareness, change. Powerful words. Too powerful to experience alone.

That brings me to the above opening invocation and the upcoming new moon and solar eclipse in Taurus.

Taurus is the sign most closely associated with the earth Goddess, also called "Gaia."She is ruled by Venus, but her energies of intent are fixed earth, or maintaining the physical realm. Taurus connects us to the slow, deep, sensual powers of the cycle, and it makes sense as she firmly holds the mid point of Spring on the celestial wheel. Taurus time brings us the most fecund, juicy, sweet and playful part of the season, as we see in the cross-quarter day of Beltane (May 1st, 2 days after the new moon)

As we are reborn from the universal womb into the new cycle, we emerge into the loving, magical hands of the Goddess. Gaia is alive and ready to greet us with beauty and joy after our long journey through the eclipse vortex. But unlike the traditional helpless infant who can only take from his mother, a relationship we have been engaged in for too long, the hope is that, after this huge transition, we can take care of her, just as she takes care of us. We can give to her, as she gives to us. We can love her, as she loves us. We can sustain life on her and she can sustain life in us.

The vision I hold for this new moon, accentuated as it is by the eclipse, is a delicious new relationship with self, other and planet. I hope this past month has opened our minds, hearts and eyes and we can find gratitude for all of our life. We can be grateful and reverent in this gift. As we celebrate mid-spring, the feminine and the Taurus cycle, we do it with reciprocity and consciousness. Taurus loves to be in the body and we often feel lustful and sensual in her light, but perhaps rather than a selfish lust, we bring it to nature. Long walks with bare feet, planting seeds in a sacred way, dancing or making love on the earth, as was a traditional Beltane rite. We celebrate her and she celebrates us through the blossoming happening all around us.

And, don't forget, during this month we honor Mother's Day (May 11)! What can you offer to the great mother of us all?

Take care of yourself, but do it in a healthy way. Get to the farmer's market and buy local, fresh foods to enjoy and share, Go for a hike and thank the trees, or plant one! Buy yourself a new outfit or goodies made from a local, sustainable company, give your home and yard a makeover with green and eco options! We can be sensual and sensible. If we bring Gaia into our comforts, into our hearts, she responds a hundred fold.

"Awaken in us a sense of who we truly are: tiny ephemeral blossoms on the Tree of Life. Make the purpose and destiny of that tree our own purpose and destiny."

I love John Seed's invocation. I encourage you to read it out loud as you pray, meditate, walk in nature or participate in any Beltane rituals. It is a sweet way to connect and set strong intent for this cycle. I also encourage you to get out, onto the earth and just as we need to ask for help from those around us when we lack inspiration or support, Gaia needs us. We need each other. Offer yourself to her in whatever way you see fit, and receive her in the same way. The time is now, in the height of light and life, to show our gratitude and re-connect to our deepest roots and to Gaia.

I wish you all a magical and blessed new moon, a sacred and sensual Beltane and may the highest magic of mid-spring, renewal, fertility and joy be with us all, and with the earth.

Virgo Full Moon 3/16/14 Planting a new garden

"After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security,

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,

And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans, And futures have a way of going down in mid flight.

After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much, so plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn, that you really are strong and you really can endure;

And you learn and learn.....with every good bye you learn."

(Comes the Dawn by Debra Rich)

I carried the above poem around in my wallet for years. I think the first time I read it was in a "Dear Abby" newspaper column or something similar. I recall how something stirred in me as I read and re-read the words. I was much younger, at the place where I was truly learning the difference between a "woman's grace" and a "child's grief." I actually have not seen it in a couple years. Then, the other day, I received an email for a poetry exchange, kind of a chain email thing, asking me to send an inspirational quote, prayer, etc to the next woman's name on the list, then continue it on. For whatever reason, the Rich poem came to mind and has stayed with me.

I was pondering the upcoming Virgo full moon. I still ponder Virgo much more than any other sign, though I have been trying to learn more as my son carries not only a Virgo moon but a Virgo rising. I know Virgo is symbolized by the "Virgin," a word that traditionally meant "one who belongs to herself." I also know it's energy and element are mutable earth and that she is ruled by Mercury and connected to healing, organizing and cleansing. Still, nothing ignited in my intuition.

I considered where this full moon falls in the natural wheel: directly between the Pisces new moon and Aries new moon. As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I feel like Pisces cycle is intended to close the last cycle, washing the old away in her sacred rain, absorbing all parts of the past and reminding us that we are all connected. Aries, as we shall soon see, is the beginning of the active season, the young, independent, excited candle, eager to make her mark and get the party started.

If I feel these energies in my body, which Virgo rules the human body, and in the changing earth around me, Pisces is the melting snow, the spring rains that prepare the soil. Aries is the divine spark that activates the seed and blossoms to the light. Virgo full moon would then be everything between the healing waters and transforming fires. She is the seed, the earth where the seed is planted and the flower that shall soon grow.

This image brought the poem back.

"Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul."

The first part of the poem is the waters of Pisces. The realization of what has past, all that has changed, the emotion of letting go of what was. We then move into Virgo: the healer and the gardener of our inner and outer garden. The full moon illuminates our grief and cycles completed, and yet she also shows us where we have grown and how we can take the old and use it to prepare the soil to plant new seeds, seeds that have potential to spark and take flight.

This full moon has the power to heal old wounds, cleanse our bodies/minds/hearts and guide us in choosing wisely where and what to plant in the cycle ahead. Get out on the earth under this moon. Write about the last year or just the last month. Write about what you release and what you will plant. Sit or stand bare against the soil, the fertile ground. Ask to receive the healing and guidance needed for the Spring ahead.

Use the last two weeks of winter, between now and equinox, the remainder of Pisces watery rule, to plan the most beautiful, abundant, magical garden. Perhaps it exists only within, or maybe you could plan something for the outside, too. Use the next fourteen days to prepare, continuing to work with water (Pisces) and earth (Virgo) as you absorb, heal and become inspired to let your garden grow.

Full moon love & abundant blessings to you, the earth and to all beings!

3/1/2014 Pisces New Moon INTEGRATION

Is anyone else feeling fragmented? I am sure some of it is the fact that for 7+ months, I have not slept for longer than 3 hours in a row, and rather than there being a definitive end to one day and a beginning to the next, I have been flowing through hour by hour, breath by breath. And, of course, we all just had 3 weeks of Mercury Retrograde in airy Aquarius, which turned my brain upside down.

Regardless, fragmented was the word that came to my mind when I tried to still myself enough to write this email. I think we all experience fragmentation in some way or another. Whether it manifests as a disconnect between body and mind, or mind and emotions or emotions and spirit or any variation therein, most of us tend to feel like we are two (or more) people, living multiple lives, playing many roles. It can be exhilarating and exhausting to realize we use our energy so broadly, but at some point, we realize we lack the "bandwidth" (my new favorite expression) to sustain our intention.

Now is a good time to become aware of this fragmentation. Mercury goes direct the day before this new moon. Soon enough, we will be at Spring equinox and Aries will be demanding action and the time will be ripe for manifesting the dreams of winter. But for the next 28 days, we need to learn to balance collective consciousness (Aquarius) with personal power (Aries) through the mutable waters of Pisces.

Pisces is the last of the Zodiac signs and is considered the oldest. She is said to contain a little bit of every sign and that she can empathize with every other element because her energy is that of rain, or a waterfall or the fast flowing river. She moves through and with all the other elements and in fact is created by the relationship between them. Fragmentation cannot exist with Pisces because she is everything. There is no separation.

One of my teachers, Lynn Andrews, says, "The first lesson of power is that we are alone." We learn this as the wheel begins with Aries, independence, personal strength, setting individual goals. "The last lesson of power is that we are all one." Through the year's twists and turns, through the experiencing of each cycle and sign, we all come to this place, the realm of Pisces, where it no longer seems so important to stand alone or be the "one." We are tired, weary and have been from the roots of earth to the cosmos of space and just want time to heal and rest before it all starts again.

This is not the cycle for big decisions, changes or excessive business. This is the cycle for writing down dreams, gazing at the clouds and the stars, meditating on waves or dancing in the rain. Let yourself be complete. Even though we all have work we want to do, can we sense that it is already within us? And that the outer journey is just the chance to re-member that fullness? Additionally, we cannot truly absorb or embody our new endeavors if we don't first finish downloading all the work already done. We have all come a long way and transformed so much in so many ways. Stop, and let it sink in. Stop, and welcome the integration.

Integration can occur in many ways: You may sense it through the body, so take time to do yoga, dance, get a massage or take a spa trip to support the process. Sometimes we get sick just so the body can rest and absorb all the information! Often we feel it through dreams, which Pisces rules, so this is a good month to start a dream journal. Or it can come through emotions so welcome tears when they arise, even if it is unexpected. Pisces can be quite mysterious and works through intuition, so really honor your gut this month, particularly around self-care.

As with every cycle, if we can really invite the sign into our lives, if we surrender to the current flow, we feel the support. Suddenly, even fragmented sleep is enough to get us through the day or a lingering cough/cold magically disappears, or the missing piece in a current struggle becomes as obvious as the light of day. I know we have big goals and that the desire to "spring" forward is strong. But Pisces is here, at this time, for our highest good. The universe put her between Aquarius and Aries for a reason, and that reason is integration. Just as the water will slowly change everything she touches, there is nothing that Pisces cannot absorb into herself. The hurts, challenges, questions, defeats will all melt into the center, along with joys, truths, loves and victories. We are alone and we are all one. There is a season for owning each of these statements, and now is the time to surrender to oneness. Don't think about, just allow it. Pisces will do the rest.

May Pisces bless you, cleanse you and heal you. May she journey with you in dreams and tears and support you in integrating all aspects of yourself, that we may greet the spring wholly refreshed, renewed and ready for the next steps.

dada Sax pcy,fldx
Yy
Yyuu
U,?"@9
8"+

Mercury retrograde in Aquarius is a jerk

Let me start by saying I am not an astrologer. I have been a fan and dabbler for many years with some training here and there but my skills are very basic. I also take issue when someone is surprised I 'believe' so much in astrology. I try not to use the word believe pretty much ever because it is highly charged and creates separation. My experience is that, for me, following the movements of earth and sky has been incredibly healing and brought wisdom and fluidity to my life. Plus it has been quite accurate!

Anytime I post about celestial events, it is more based in my musings and limited knowledge, so if it resonates, great, if not, no worries.

On to Mercury. Mercury retrograde is a month long occurrence that happens three times a year. On earth, during these cycles, it appears Mercury is going backwards. When Mercury goes retro, it tends to frazzle the astrology loving population because Mercury rules technology, travel, communication, things we are quite attached to, and when he moves back, it also seems to turn our deadlines, cell phones, cars, computers, paperwork, plans and conversations backwards as well.

Additionally, Mercury retrogrades under different astrology signs, which can add another layer to the confusion, depending on that signs element and energy.

I generally don't mind these phases. As a Gemini sun sign, ruled by Mercury, it can be a relief to slow down, halt the progress and take a few weeks to work on anything starting with 're,' ie re lax, re new, re lease, re examine, re flect. It is a time for finishing, rather than starting, rethinking choices before taking action.

So, when Mercury went retro on Feb 6, I made note, and when I saw he was in Aquarius, sign of creativity, eccentricity, liberation, community and universal consciousness, I thought, 'this should be interesting.'

Well, it has been. Rather than experiencing the creative side of Aquarius, though, Mercury has brought out the aloof and insensitive qualities. Quite frankly, Mercury Retrograde in Aquarius has been kind of a jerk.

And not just to me. Most of my friends have experienced huge blows to the head in relationships, travel, work, home and oh yes, technology!

For the first time in my adult life, I lost my cell phone. Though, lost seems wrong. Mercury, trickster wizard that he is, made it disappear.

I don't care about the phone. I did miss texting, but was bummed about losing all the pictures and videos of my baby. Plus, I went five days without a phone, a feat unimaginable to many.

I was so sure the phone would resurface. I thought this was just an aquarian teaching about spending time off the phone, noticing attachments, being more creative in my communication and of course, being more consistent in backing up what is important.

Maybe that was the teaching. But the phone didn't come back and it took nearly another week to get a decent replacement from insurance and get it squared away.

I probably sound a little whiny here. But it was annoying and I am super sad about the lost items.

Still, I know how powerful cycles are and though I resent his style, I trust this is part of the process. Of something.

We have one more week of the current Mercury rx. If you have had a hard time, keep taking deep breaths. Slow down, take it easy and don't take Aquarius personally. His ultimate job is to bring collective balance, no easy feat. The challenges arising are for the highest good, even if they seem silly or hurtful to us.

And if you are someone who has not felt the cool treatment at this cycle, yay you. Try not to rub it in.

Leo Full Moon 2/14/14 LOVE LOVE LOVE

Every astrologerish blurb I have seen or read for this upcoming full moon is tied to the fact that the Full Moon in Leo, our fixed fire, lioness, sacred sun sign, falls on Valentine's day.

I am no different. Though I have never done a whole lot of celebration on Valentine's day for a number of reasons, I know that in our society, this is the holiday that encourages love and affection, and big shows of it, at that. That is definitely what Leo is about! She is the sun, shining her light on everyone, encouraging us to take the stage and sign, dance, play, to shout our heart's desire from the rooftop!

It is so interesting to me that so far, 2014 brought Capricorn in on NY Day, the perfect harmony of astrology with our calendar, and then does it again in February, letting Leo fill our hearts and inspire our spirits on the biggest candy/flower day of the year.

But this is a full moon, not a new moon, and however Aquarius and Mercury retrograde in Aquarius is shaking up your world and forcing you to step out of the comfort zone, Leo is here to warm you up, make you purr and get loving, happy and grateful for all the wonderful things in your life.

My recommendation is to not give in to the easy box of chocolates, bottle of wine and dinner V-day deal. Make it creative, powerful and about your love for self and others, not just one other. Valentines has also become the day of reckoning for "V day" inspired by Eve Ensler's Vagina Monologues and last year, the movement "One billion rising" was launched (onebillionrising.org) which uses flash dances and art to bring awareness for women and girls. Or Jonathan Goldman made 2/14 "World Sound Healing day." (healingsounds.com)
This is the power of Leo.

What do you love? Who do you love? How can Aquarius/Leo help you to really show that love in a way that benefits all beings? Like the blessed sun in the winter sky, offering heat where it is so desperately needed, let the Valentines full moon fire you up and create an earth full of sacred flames with love, love, love lighting their way.

When I first saw Valentine's was on Leo Full Moon, my mind filled with the lyrics of the Beatles (who just celebrated their 50 year appearance in the US) and so I close with sharing a truly Leo-inspired message and send so much love to you and yours! Many Blessings!

All You Need is Love
The Beatles
Lennon/McCartney
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game It's easy.
There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time - It's easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be. It's easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
All you need is love (all together now)
All you need is love (everybody)
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

Aquarius New Moon 1/30/14~ The Web

I have been thinking a lot about friends, relationships, needs and community in general. Maybe it is the residue from the Cancer full moon this month. Mama Cancer brings up what we need and how we need to feel loved, comforted, safe. Or maybe it is simply that so much of my life and priorities have shifted since I became a mother. Either way, relationships, how to be in relationships and what it means to be in relationships are on my mind.

Friends have always been one of the most important things to me. From an early age, I preferred my "chosen" family over my real family. I didn't come from a strict or unkind home, quite the opposite, but the Gemini in me sought popularity, new faces and socializing more than developing closeness with my kin. Even though that has changed some as I have grown older, seen the importance in my family and understand how different those connections are, my friends and community still ranked pretty close to number one on my priority list.

A lot has transformed since I got pregnant and even more so since baby was born. Suddenly, this new soul is number one and even that second slot seems miles beneath the first. I now understand that maternal emotional Cancerian calling in a way I never imagined, fathomed or even desired. I had no idea I would love this kid so much or that I would want to be with him constantly. Everything else just kinda falls away. I don't mean it to, I try to be aware, be present, be kind to those around me. It is just hard. This shift is not just for parents, it can happen anytime you suddenly commit yourself to a new calling or presence.

So I am tired and obsessed. I am overwhelmed. It is easy to stay home with the kid when I don't have to be somewhere. And it is just easier to hang out with other moms, or with no one at all. Suddenly the excitement I felt around social events, networking, even lunches and mani/pedis feels like work and even talking on the phone is an impossibility.

On the other side, Gemini human that I still am, a part of me feels like I need more help and connection now; and it's hard not to just pick up the phone when I want something or someone. Oh, the selflessness in serving another human and the selfishness of still being one!

I find myself being afraid of sounding selfish or needy and then I don't reach out at all. I wonder what the point is of trying to maintain my standing in the community or my friendships. It is not a comfortable place to be. I don't know what the solution is or even if one really exists. Perhaps I just need a shift in my perception.

Enter, as always, the new moon. Aquarius, fixed air, is the sign of community. She is the weaver of the web, the social director that stands back and sees how the event can be unique and wonderful. She is smart and effortlessly maintains all the pieces that need to be woven and the balls that need to be juggling. She does what she does for the highest good, the collective consciousness and the much bigger picture. It's not just about her, or any single person or linear list of persons. She is concerned with all beings.

She is also a little aloof, detached and ambivalent to the emotional needs and desires of others. Aquarius new moon following the Cancer full moon is about as different as it gets, but both are pertinent players in the game of life.

Cancer allows us to drop into that place of overwhelming need and feeling. She forces us to look at the uncomfortable emotions around family, life and what brings us closeness and comfort. Compared to Capricorn, the new moon cycle ending, and Aquarius, the one beginning, she is the almost intolerably needy but necessary.

Capricorn turned our attention towards the active, masculine, anchoring energies of manifestation, and now Aquarius, who is neither feminine nor masculine, but rather androgynous in her universality and preferences, has us step back from father/mother and into the realm of simply being human. Rather than labeling and demanding roles, expectations and results, Aquarius steps back, shrugs and says "what is needed for the benefit of all? Not for just you to succeed (Capricorn) and for you to feel good (Cancer) but for everyone to live just a little bit more happily?"

I, too, have to step back. Being a mom is amazing. But being a wife, daughter, sister, friend, teacher, student and mother feels overwhelming. I know many of you relate, we all wear so many masks! Can we just come back to being human? And can we behave as we want other humans to behave, without attachment or expectation? Can we soften the guilt, anger, love, resentment and fear and just breathe? Aquarius is air, after all. Can we just do, one day at a time, the best we can do and what needs to be done for the highest good for all of us?

It is a tough request, one that requires contemplation and the intelligence that comes from the higher mind, not the primal brain or ego. After all, how can we be human and know the highest good? That is the Aquarian think-outside-the-box paradox and it requires both a humbling acceptance of our finite, flawed nature and the nature of others, a willingness to still want to take actions that benefit all the beings in spite of that nature and then a surrender to something greater, even if it is just the idea that there is something greater than our needs. It is in this process that the higher purpose is revealed. But it is subtle and as it is in the realm of air, it is a brief glimpse, a breath, of the highest consciousness, and then the humanness returns.

Many of us can't or won't meet the challenge. That's okay, Aquarius does not judge. She just keeps weaving the web and knows you will find a place in the fabrics, when you are ready. The web is not neat and not always beautiful, it's magic is in the fact that it simply keeps growing, regardless of the imperfections and mistakes. She just keeps weaving it, finding the exquisiteness in creation and connection, in just being human, aware of our humanness, doing the best we can with other humans, one intricate, complicated stitch at a time, one breath at a time.

I breathe in, and I forgive myself for my desires, expectations, flaws and shortcomings. I exhale and I forgive others for theirs. In that fixed space between the inhale and exhale, the exhale and inhale, I pause, and ask Aquarius, higher consciousness, what next step needs to be taken, for the highest good of all. The weaver keeps weaving and the web grows stronger.

Sending you all love and blessings on this new moon, the second one in January, considered to be auspicious by many in terms of potent beginnings (There is no new moon in February in 2014, but two again in March, it will be a powerful spring, but more on that later); also Happy Chinese new year, year of the horse! As time starts to gallop by, do pause in your breath and ask to be guided. May we all remember our humanness, our connection and trust everyone is doing the best they can. Bekah

Cancer Full Moon 1/15/14 Feel & Flow

Cancer Full Moon~ Feel and Flow

With the auspicious Capricorn new moon on new year's day this month/year, I was thinking that the best way to really initiate and align my energies and intentions, was to spend the winter cycle focusing on my Chakras. Chakra is a Sanskrit word for wheel and while the Chakras are a huge teaching, the system as a whole is not what this message is about; though I highly recommend learning more about them! Still, just to give some background to any who are newer to energetic anatomy, there are seven main Chakras that correspond with the spine. The idea is that when these Chakras are aligned and spinning, our holistic health (body/mind/spirit/emotion) is more clear, bright and focused. We feel good, inside and out, and are able to easily release what we don't need and draw in energy we want.

I started this journey last week and have been sharing it in my Yoga classes, as well.

I didn't realize how fitting it was that the week of the Cancer full moon would be dedicated to the second, or sacral Chakra.

Cancer is the home of the moon and during Cancer, we feel most at home with anything that feels like the moon: water, feminine, maternal, fluid, sensual, nourishing, yin. Where Capricorn and Saturn hold the strong father aspects, Cancer and Moon is the mama. I sense her like the ocean, beautiful, life giving, powerful, soothing.

The second Chakra, "Swadhisthana" is connected to the element of water. Physically, it vibrates in our hips, sacrum, pelvis, genitals, reproductive organs and the fluids of the body. Energetically, this center rules emotions, creativity, intimacy, sensuality and ability to immerse oneself in the flow.

We can work with this Chakra in many ways and I recommend trying at least one during this full moon week:
*wearing the color orange
*toning the sound "Vam"
*connecting to water via bath, swim, meditating by ocean, river, lake, etc
*taking a dance or flow based Yoga class
*doing deep hip stretches
*painting with water colors
*making love

Any or all of these practices will not only balance your second chakra but they can help soften the experience of the potentially overwhelming emotional tides this full moon brings. Cancer full moon is one of the strongest full moons of the year because it is a double dose of the moon's already heightened, watery, sensitive, feminine state.

Also on this full moon and with this Chakra, I like to honor the Goddess Lakshmi. She is the Hindu manifestation of the greek Aphrodite, born from the sea. There are many myths about her, but let me share my rendition of her birth:

The Hindu Gods were struggling with some demons. They went to one of the head deities, Vishnu, for help. Vishnu told the Gods there was an ocean of milk where weapons and treasures that might defeat the demons could be found, if they were willing to churn the sea.

They all went and started churning and churning. After a while, these jewels and weapons began to rise and they were claimed by the Gods. Finally, after even more effort, a beautiful Goddess emerged, Lakshmi, who brought love, abundance and beauty to all the world and who Vishnu claimed for his wife.

Please note I am not Hindu nor do I claim to be well versed in these myths or translations. But what this story always says to me speaks directly to the second chakra and to the spirit of this full moon. The message Lakshmi inspires is that if we are willing to churn our ocean of milk, this watery, sacred center within, through movement, sound, meditation, creation, etc, we can bring forth the divine energy latent in us all that can connect us to creation, love, abundance and beauty every day. Feel free to light a candle to Lakshmi on the full moon and maybe chant the mantras below; the first is for Lakshmi, the second for the sacral chakra and the third for the great element of water. The last line is a closing invocation asking for peace in all the realms and all we do.

Om Shreem Lakshmiya Namaha
Om Swadhisthana Namaha
Om Maha Apaya Namaha
Om Shanti Shanti Shantihi

Cancer full moon blessings to all!

A "good" mother

I just want to be a good mother.

This sentence... or perhaps it is a prayer or plea? Repeats itself over and over in my head as my hands knead the dough for the pizza I am making for dinner. It is a phrase I have been whispering, thinking, crying over and over the last 15 months. 41 of those weeks I was pregnant and now for nearly 26 weeks, since baby was born.

Interestingly enough, it was not something I ever imagined telling myself or obsessing about. I didn't really plan on being a mom. I have a step-son, but as he already had a mother, I never really figured he needed more from me than friendship.

But here we are. I am a mother and I have a child, a child who, as I write this is sitting up in his high chair, laughing, playing and occasionally looking to make sure I am still in his view, a new development. My heart aches when I look at this kid. For someone who did not really know or care if she ever had children, I am madly in love with my son and enjoy being his mom more than I could ever imagine. It is joyful and sweet, amazing and powerful. It is also incredibly agonizing.

I just want to be a good mother. It seems so simple and yet so impossible. Hence the agony. I love this boy, I want to protect him, support him, give him everything. But there are so so so so many things. Challenging things. Difficult choices. Unforeseen circumstances. And more opinions, parenting styles, articles, books, doctors, philosophies, views and stories than I ever imagined.

I have always struggled with knowing what the "right" decision is or being a "good" girl. In fact, I prized myself for many years on doing the exact opposite of what society wanted of me or what was expected. Now, though, I long to know with certainty that I am "right" and "good." I also know that this is never going to happen. Particularly because, though I have given up much of my desire to be the rebel, I still don't exactly follow our cultural expectations. As a mother, I am longing to bridge the conservative and liberal views, eastern and western ideals and have everyone I meet tell me what a stellar job I am doing. Instead, my western doctor chastises my homeopathic practices, and my natural medical advisers disagree passionately and whole-heartedly with everything my western doc says. I have so many amazing friends that are parents, and the choices they have made are all different and varied from pregnancy to graduation and it will be a good many years until my baby can tell me whether or not he appreciates my decisions.

I just want to be a good mother. There is no way to do this on an intellectual level. I have to feel this burning statement with my heart, my soul and every cell in my body. I have to allow it to be a prayer and a light that guides me through such diverse opinions and options. I have to trust that simply having this desire will perhaps make the difference. And I have to let go of it. There is no way I can achieve an abstract ideal. Good means different things to everyone and I cannot match every idea. Most of all, I should just get off the computer and hold my son. Hold him, play with him, look into those wise blue eyes eyes and thank him for choosing me, good or bad, better or worse. Thank him for making me the kind of mother who cares if she is good to him or not. I hope I can share this with him someday and that from me he will learn the desire to be a "good" person and enjoy the journey of finding out what that means to him, with all it's joys and pains.